Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
Randomize
