he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
