I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
Randomize
