he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
