One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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