at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Randomize
