I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Randomize