I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
