I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
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