i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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