I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
How does one acquire holy water?
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
