it's too hot outside to masturbate.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
