i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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