hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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