I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Randomize
