So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
