I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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