I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
time to smoke my breakfast
There is a girl in bio drinking beer out of a starbucks cup with a straw
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
Randomize
