then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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