Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
