Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Randomize
