I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
