I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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