I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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