I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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