Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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