Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
