Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
