don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
