i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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