THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Randomize
