Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
