he wants to bone in the snuggie
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
