handjob tips. give me some.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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