dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
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