I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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