Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Randomize
