I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
