he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
