I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
do people really wait til 5 oclock to start drinking in real life?
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
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