I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
Randomize
