so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
It's rum buckets o'clock
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
