Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
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