drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
too bad you live with your parents still
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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