Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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