walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
We peed on a building I think...like a building in downtown...not out of view of anyone.
Randomize
