I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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