I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
