Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
did i walk over a car last night?
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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