he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
