True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
