Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
Randomize
