I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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