but the lizard people decide everything anyway
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
