I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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