Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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