Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
Randomize
