The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
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