Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize