Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Randomize
