They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
