If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
