i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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