Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
