a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
