she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize
