Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
