I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
