U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
