3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
God, I missed his penis.
Randomize
