Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
