If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
