Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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